What people call “online couples therapy”
Under this phrase you’ll find three very different things. Couples therapy by video: a real therapist, a real session, just at a distance, each of you in front of your own screen or both side by side. Online couples coaching: shorter, goal-oriented support from someone whose title isn’t regulated. And do-it-yourself programs: online paths, with or without human contact, to work on your relationship without appointments. All three have their place. What matters is knowing which one you’re stepping into.
Couples therapy by video: who it’s for, and what it costs
It’s the same therapy as in an office, with the same practitioners: psychologists, psychotherapists, couple and family counselors, therapists trained in a specific method. Video has concrete advantages for a couple: no commute, easier to fit between two schedules, possible even when you don’t live in the same place, and less intimidating for whoever dreads the waiting room. It has one limit: the therapist sees less of your body language, your silences, what happens between you when one of you talks. Some couples prefer to start by video and move to an office later, or the other way around.
Price-wise, the most common rates are in France, roughly 60 to 120 euros per session, sometimes a bit less by video, and a course of therapy is often ten to twenty sessions. These are ballparks, not a statistic. Couples therapy is not reimbursed by the Assurance maladie (the French national health insurance), and “Mon soutien psy” (a French public scheme) only covers individual consultations. Some mutuelles (French supplementary health insurers) reimburse a few psychologist sessions a year: check whether couples sessions are included. If you live outside France, costs and reimbursement rules differ. We go through all of this, reimbursement included, in the article on the price and length of couples therapy.
How to choose an online couples therapist
- Their training, before their storefront. In France, the title of psychologist is protected and that of psychotherapist is regulated. “Couples therapist” and “coach” are not: that doesn’t mean the person is bad, it means you need to read their actual training, not just their website. Rules differ in other countries.
- A method they can name. Two approaches have been studied the most in research: emotionally focused therapy, which works on cycles and attachment fears, and the Gottman method, which works on observable behaviors. A practitioner trained in either one will say so.
- Neutrality. A good couples therapist doesn’t take anyone’s side, and you can feel it from the first session. If one of you feels judged, say so, or switch.
- A clear setup for video. A stable platform, sessions at a set time, and one simple rule: you’re both present, in a quiet room, without your phones. Video works well when it’s treated like a real appointment.
- The connection. The quality of your relationship with the therapist is one of the best predictors of how well therapy works. If it doesn’t click after two sessions, that’s not a failure, it’s information.
Online couples coaching: what it is, what it isn’t
Coaching is shorter and more concrete: one goal, a few sessions, some tools. For a couple who is doing fairly well and wants to work on one specific point, it can be enough. But the title of coach guarantees nothing, and coaching isn’t built for heavy situations: an affair, depression in one of you, a history of violence. In those cases, you need a therapist. The question to ask a coach, without embarrassment: “What is your training, and what do you do when a situation is beyond you?”
Do-it-yourself couples therapy: what research lets us say
Couples therapy isn’t magic. It installs precise, observable, learnable habits, within a structure that helps you stick to them: asking “solutions, or just an ear?” before answering, rephrasing until you hear “that’s it,” taking a break with a time to come back when tension rises, debriefing an argument once you’ve cooled down without looking for who started it, naming the cycle rather than the culprit. Some of these habits can be practiced without a therapist. Self-guided online programs, evaluated by researchers with couples in distress, have shown real improvements in satisfaction and communication, more modest than full therapy, but far from nothing.
Two conditions for this to work on your own. First, measure before you act: get out of “it’s fine / it’s not fine” and look area by area at what holds and what’s stuck. Second, consistency: ten minutes a day beats one big conversation a month. The concrete exercises are in the article on couples therapy exercises to do at home.
What MyLoveLab offers, and what it doesn’t
MyLoveLab is not online couples therapy, and there is no therapist behind the screen. It’s what a couple can do on their own, based on research: a 15-minute test that measures your relationship across seven dimensions, and a daily program, one short session a day, that builds the habits dimension by dimension. We built it because we had neither the money nor the courage to go see someone, and we didn’t want to wait for all that. For many couples, it’s enough. For others, it’s what lets them get to a therapist sooner, with words for what’s stuck. And when the situation calls for a professional, the program says so plainly. How we work is explained on the method page.
When not to wait
There are situations where a program, a book or a podcast replaces nothing, and where you need to see someone quickly: a recent betrayal, depression in one of you, outbursts that keep getting closer together, a disagreement that has hardened over months despite your efforts, or one of you seriously thinking of leaving. Seeing a professional isn’t the last resort of couples who are sinking, it’s the tool of couples who hold on. And one case apart, which is not couples therapy: fear, control, blows or threats. Violence is not a conflict, and it isn’t dealt with together in front of a screen. We wrote a separate page, with nothing to sell, on toxic relationships and who to call. In France, call 3919 (free, anonymous) or 17 in immediate danger. Elsewhere, contact your local domestic violence helpline.
Frequently asked questions
Is online couples therapy as effective as in an office?
The available studies, especially since video became widespread, don’t show a clear difference in effectiveness between remote and in-office sessions, as long as it’s a real, trained therapist with a regular structure. What makes the difference is the quality of the bond with the therapist and consistency, not the screen.
Is there free online couples therapy?
With a therapist, almost never: in France, couples therapy is not reimbursed by the Assurance maladie (the national health insurance), and the “Mon soutien psy” scheme only covers individual sessions. Some couple and family counseling centers, often run by nonprofits, offer free consultations or fees based on income: if you’re in France, search “conseil conjugal” with the name of your city. The rest of the free options are do-it-yourself tools, including the MyLoveLab test and program.
Can you do couples therapy alone, without your partner?
Couples therapy in the strict sense is done together. But individual counseling focused on your relationship exists, and it’s often useful when the other person refuses. And a large part of what you learn in couples therapy can be practiced on your own: that’s what the program offers, where each session gives you one concrete thing to try with your partner, without them having to sign up.
Is MyLoveLab online couples therapy?
No, and we’d rather say so clearly. MyLoveLab is a test that measures your relationship across 7 dimensions, and a daily program based on research to help it move forward. There is no therapist behind the screen. It’s what you can do before therapy, while you wait, or alongside it. When the situation calls for a professional, the program says so.